You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.