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Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

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My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

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This Monday could have been an email.

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I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

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I donโ€™t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

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I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

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That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

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The only way Iโ€™m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

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If she says โ€œitโ€™s fine,โ€ youโ€™re probably in trouble.

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If youโ€™re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

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You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

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Oh, the awkward moment when your playlist turns into a curse word bingo game with the family ๐Ÿ˜…๐ŸŽต Who knew that catchy tune had such a colorful vocabulary! Remember, always pre-screen those tracks before hitting play at family gatherings!



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