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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has shared:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has shared:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has shared:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has bookmarked:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, β€œWhere are our seats?” and he responds, β€œIn the airplane.”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has viewed:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Reddit:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Spotted on Messenger:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Making waves on Discord:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones β€” I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Going viral on WeChat:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Breaking via Discord:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Live now on Slack:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Live now on TikTok:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Funny quote about tornadoes as ghosts battling over a cow, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the ghosts are feeling beefy! πŸ„πŸŒͺ️ Better moooo-ve out of the way and let them ghostly cow warriors settle their beef! πŸ˜„πŸ‘»

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on YouTube this month:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

19 shares on X this month:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

47 shares on X this month:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I gotta ask, what part of β€˜I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has copied:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has downloaded:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has copied:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has shared:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡² has viewed:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has copied:

β€œIt’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Breaking via YouTube:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Live now on YouTube:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Making waves on YouTube:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Just landed via Facebook:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Trending via TikTok:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

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