Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

93 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

35 shares on Slack this month:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.