When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

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Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

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Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

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Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

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This entire month could’ve been an email.

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Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

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“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

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These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

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AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

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Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

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Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.