Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.