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Commentary:
"Oh, the classic selective hearing move, a true masterpiece of skill and finesse! 🤭👂 Nothing like nodding along to 'awesome' without a clue what was even said! Just hope it wasn't a question… 🤷‍♂️😂"

attention, awesome, context, conversation, course, humor, i, listening, sarcasm, sorry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Jan 26, 2025
Share → : Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.
Jan 22, 2025
Share → : My summer body has been pending for about ten years.
Jan 21, 2025
Share → : Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.
6 months ago
Share → : Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.
Jan 24, 2025
Share → : They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.
Jan 27, 2025
Share → : I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.
Jan 23, 2025
Share → : I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.
Jan 25, 2025
Share → : The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Spotted on X:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Just shared via Twitch:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Spotted on Threads:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Seen just now on X:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Trending via Twitch:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Just landed via Discord:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

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Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

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