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Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

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Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

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I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

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Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

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They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

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Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

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Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

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In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

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Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

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I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.