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Someone from has copied:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Someone from has copied:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Someone from has downloaded:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Someone from has bookmarked:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from has shared:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from has copied:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Someone from has downloaded:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Someone from has downloaded:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from has viewed:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

2 minutes ago

3,418

Social Media Log

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Freshly posted on X:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Just shared via Twitch:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Spotted on Instagram:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Going viral on Slack:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Just landed via Slack:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Trending via Pinterest:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Making waves on Twitch:

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

5 months ago

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I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

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Commentary:
When faced with a tricky situation, just remember: nothing says "mature adult" like going straight to the source! Brace yourself… mom's on speed dial!

adult, communication, handle, humor, mature, mature adult, mom, reaction, responsibility, telling

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You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.
We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.
I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

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Share → : “Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.
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Share → : Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.
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Share → : It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.
My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.
If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?
They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.
You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Hot Funny Quotes

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.
Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?
You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?
The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.
You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Trending Topics

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

2 minutes ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.
You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.
Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.
I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.
It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Funny Quotes of the Year

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?
I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.
Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”
Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.
The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Activity Log

Someone from has shared:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from has bookmarked:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from has copied:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Someone from has viewed:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from has bookmarked:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Someone from has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Someone from has shared:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from has copied:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Social Media Log

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Live now on Pinterest:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Making waves on WeChat:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Making waves on Threads:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Making waves on Instagram:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

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