Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.
  • Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”
  • I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.
  • All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.
  • I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.
  • On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.