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I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

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I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

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I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

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Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

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Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, youโ€™re gonna have to reboot that computer.

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Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

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Dogs canโ€™t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

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Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

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I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

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None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

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The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Commentary:
"Clearly a culinary artist at work here! ๐Ÿž๐ŸŽจ Who knew breakfast could be so avant-garde? Maybe we're witnessing the birth of a new food art movement: Jamism! ๐Ÿ˜‚ #BreakfastGoals"



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