I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.