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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

17 minutes ago

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Going viral on Messenger:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Going viral on Threads:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Reported on Instagram:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.
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Commentary:
Getting the mixtape ready for my doctor’s office since it looks like I'm cruising down memory lane straight to the colonoscopy ward! 🚗💽🩺

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

17 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Meow means woof in cat.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Reported on WeChat:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Going viral on Slack:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Just landed via Threads:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Spotted on Facebook:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Spotted on Messenger:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

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