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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Making waves on Messenger:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Trending via Discord:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Breaking via Reddit:

Drive like no one is watching.

Seen just now on Reddit:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Live now on YouTube:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.
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Commentary:
Achieving absolute singularity: when you and your countless imaginary cats star in your love song playlist 🎶🐱😂

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Trending via X:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Just shared via Slack:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Just landed via TikTok:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Going viral on Slack:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Just landed via Facebook:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

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