I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

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The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

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Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

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This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

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When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

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Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

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If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

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That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

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Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

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Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.