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The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

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Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

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Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

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I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

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A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

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Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

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Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

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The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

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My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

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One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.