The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

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We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

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They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

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Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

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Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

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“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

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The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

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Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

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Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

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We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

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Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.