Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

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The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

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Apparently “Spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

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People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

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If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

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Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

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I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

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Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

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The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

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I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

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Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.