Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

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Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

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It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

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I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

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Enjoy the time between diapers!

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Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

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If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

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I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

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I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

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Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.