Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

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Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

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I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

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That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

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We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

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Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

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Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

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Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.