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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2418 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,580

Funny Quotes Topics

15,251

Funny Quotes Images

12,580

14 minutes ago

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Just landed via YouTube:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Just landed via Twitch:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Just shared via Telegram:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Reported on Snapchat:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Jan 20, 2025

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic dilemma of every child: balancing honesty with preserving your parents' peace of mind 🤥👩‍👧‍👦 Just remember, they probably have a sixth sense for detecting fibs! Proceed with caution 😉 #ParentalTruthsAndLies"

family, good, hate, honesty, humor, i, lying, own, parents, truth

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2418 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,580

Funny Quotes Topics

15,251

Funny Quotes Images

12,580

14 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Just landed via Messenger:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Making waves on TikTok:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

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