I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

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The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

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My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

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Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

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I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

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Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

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Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

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If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

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But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?