Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.
  • The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.
  • Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.
  • Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.
  • I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.
  • The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.