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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,357

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Just shared via Messenger:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Going viral on Discord:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Making waves on Messenger:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Just shared via WeChat:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Making waves on X:

I put the mess in domestic.

Just shared via Instagram:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text expressing holiday wish to visit a 1986 mall for nostalgic fun.

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Commentary:
Going back to 1986's mall? Count me in! I've got neon leg warmers ready and a Walkman full of mix tapes! 🎧🕺✨

1986, Christmas, holiday, holiday wish, i, mall, nostalgia, retro, shopping, want, wish

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58 shares on Reddit this month:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

86 shares on Discord this month:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

23 shares on Discord this month:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Making waves on Reddit:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Making waves on TikTok:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Spotted on Reddit:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Shared recently on Telegram:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

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Activity Log ✨

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨