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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Trending via TikTok:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Going viral on WeChat:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Trending via Discord:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Breaking via Slack:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

3 weeks ago

Clever humorous text about brain activity, playing on a war metaphor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my brain is on vacation mode 🧠🏖️ Silence is golden, right? 😂

brain, frontal, frontal lobe, humor, lobe, pun, quiet

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Slack this month:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

42 shares on Threads this month:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

51 shares on Twitch this month:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

38 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

16 shares on X this month:

Having a job ruined my life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Trending via Instagram:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

Trending via Facebook:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Making waves on X:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Trending via Pinterest:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Keep the laugh going 😂

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨