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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Making waves on Telegram:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Trending via WeChat:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Spotted on X:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Just landed via Reddit:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

1 month ago

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my brain is on vacation mode 🧠🏖️ Silence is golden, right? 😂

brain, frontal, frontal lobe, humor, lobe, pun, quiet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

2 months ago

again, experience, humor, life, me, pay, year
I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

3 months ago

activity, die, friend, friends, ghost, good, hope, humor, i, people, scare, stay, walk, wall, walls
I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

2 months ago

bathroom, club, Club Pee Pee, different, experience, going, humor, i, love, music, nightlife, pee, playing, restaurant
There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

2 months ago

coupon, cutting, humor, irony, music, rap, saving, song
Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

2 months ago

desire, food, humor, sacrifice, sell, soul, temptation
I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

3 months ago

Airbnb, amenity, bed, cable, cable television, eating, gym, hell, hotel, humor, i, leisure, love, pool, relaxation, room, room service, service, show, staying, swimming, swimming pool, television, time, TV, TV Show, using, vacation, watch, while, working, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on WeChat this month:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget all this adulting stuff, let’s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,464

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Shared recently on Discord:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Just landed via WeChat:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Shared recently on X:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

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