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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Just shared via Discord:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Breaking via Twitch:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Spotted on Facebook:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to read a menu at a dimly lit restaurant, or just getting an eye exam? 🕶️🔦 Talk about a fine line between ordering pasta and checking your vision! Who knew squinting could become a gourmet experience 🍝😂 #EyeStrainMenuGain"

awkward, awkward moment, dim, dim lights, exam, eye, eye exam, funny situation, lights, menu, moment, optometrist, read, situation, test, under, vision, vision test, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on X this month:

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

15 shares on X this month:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

26 shares on X this month:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

55 shares on X this month:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

36 shares on X this month:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

38 shares on Instagram this month:

The future is buffering.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,400

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Seen just now on Threads:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Trending via Pinterest:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Shared recently on Telegram:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

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