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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Life always has it’s ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,026

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Breaking via Discord:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Spotted on Discord:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Breaking via Discord:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Just landed via Discord:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Spotted on Reddit:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Live now on TikTok:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

2 months ago

0

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to read a menu at a dimly lit restaurant, or just getting an eye exam? 🕶️🔦 Talk about a fine line between ordering pasta and checking your vision! Who knew squinting could become a gourmet experience 🍝😂 #EyeStrainMenuGain"

awkward, awkward moment, dim, dim lights, exam, eye, eye exam, funny situation, lights, menu, moment, optometrist, read, situation, test, under, vision, vision test, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

0

2 months ago

courtroom, fleetwood, Fleetwood Mac, go own way, honor, humor, i, independence, joke, mac, music, own, said
I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

0

2 months ago

deleted, enough, humor, i, know, media, never, permanence, regret, self-awareness, should, social, social media, tattoo, tweet, Tweets
In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

0

1 month ago

awkward, awkward moment, bodily, bodily function, call, elevator, everyone, function, humor, i, mating, moment, noise, silence, silent, stomach, whale
Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

0

5 months ago

2, accidental, accidentally, humor, nature, secret, secrets, squirrel, supernatural, tree, wisdom
Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

0

2 months ago

cool, feel, feeling, humor, irony, smoking, vaping, want
It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

0

2 months ago

appearance, bad, carpet, celebrity, event, fashion, gala, humor, ID, insecure, me, met, Met Gala, outfit, red, red carpet, self-deprecating, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

77 shares on Threads this month:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

24 shares on X this month:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

52 shares on X this month:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

36 shares on Slack this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,805

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Making waves on TikTok:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Making waves on Telegram:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Just shared via WeChat:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Going viral on YouTube:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Making waves on Telegram:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

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