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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Going viral on Facebook:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Just shared via YouTube:

Never trust a wet fart.

Making waves on Slack:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Live now on Instagram:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Shared recently on TikTok:

May the algorithms be with you.

Seen just now on Threads:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Shared recently on WeChat:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

0
Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs sin, tan, and cos when you've got sunshine, laughter, and a good cup of coffee to make every day beautiful!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Discord this month:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

12 shares on Threads this month:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

70 shares on Slack this month:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,230

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Just landed via Telegram:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Going viral on Threads:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

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