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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,546

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Just shared via TikTok:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Just landed via Instagram:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Spreading quickly via X:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Going viral on YouTube:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Spotted on WeChat:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Trending via Discord:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Trending via Pinterest:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

4 weeks ago

Funny quote about procrastination and anxiety in responding to emails.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs quick replies when you can perfect the art of procrastination and self-inflicted stress? 💌⏰😅 #ProcrastinationGameStrong"

answering, anxiety, anxious, apology, communication, email, humor, i, ignored, late, late response, minutes, procrastination, response, spending, three, weeks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on X this month:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

87 shares on Slack this month:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Just shared via Reddit:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Making waves on Telegram:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Live now on WeChat:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Trending via Instagram:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Just shared via WeChat:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Live now on Pinterest:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Live now on Discord:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨