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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,275

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Shared recently on Facebook:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Going viral on TikTok:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Making waves on Discord:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs quick replies when you can perfect the art of procrastination and self-inflicted stress? 💌⏰😅 #ProcrastinationGameStrong"

answering, anxiety, anxious, apology, communication, email, humor, i, ignored, late, late response, minutes, procrastination, response, spending, three, weeks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

0

5 months ago

ask, communication, conversation, dating, humor, irony, men, met, never, personality, question, questions, relationship, say, yourself, zero
“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

0

2 months ago

banter, girl, humor, identity, insult, just, monster, playful, playful banter
Running from your problems is cardio.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, cardio, exercise, fitness, humor, problems, running
Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

0

4 weeks ago

constant, ear, ears, hack, humor, insomnia, life, life hack, need, noise, ringing, sleep, sound, tinnitus, white, white noise
One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

0

2 months ago

children, desire, father, ice cream, kids
Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, humor, joke, lifestyle, Mormons, relationship, thanks, wif

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I could physically experience the inside of a lava lamp.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

72 shares on Threads this month:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

My lips could use some attention today.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Just shared via Slack:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Going viral on Messenger:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Going viral on TikTok:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Going viral on Telegram:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Trending via Snapchat:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Making waves on Twitch:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Running from your problems is cardio.

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨