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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,327

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Shared recently on X:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Just shared via Threads:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Trending via Snapchat:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Spotted on Threads:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Seen just now on X:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Live now on Telegram:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

1 day ago

Witty text about faking parenthood to leave work early, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like the key to escaping the office is not a corner office or a fancy title, but simply a fictional child! Who knew that the path to freedom was paved with imaginary offspring? Just make sure your "kid" doesn't accidentally show up at the company picnic, or you'll have some explaining to do!

children, everyone, humor, job, kid, leave, lie, office, want, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It was me, I let the dogs out.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you breakdance you buy dance.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,590

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Just shared via YouTube:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Making waves on Pinterest:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Trending via Messenger:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Breaking via Slack:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Seen just now on Slack:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Going viral on Slack:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Live now on X:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

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