Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2306 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,468

Funny Quotes Topics

15,180

Funny Quotes Images

12,468

49 seconds ago

3,455

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Breaking via TikTok:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Shared recently on X:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Making waves on YouTube:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Spotted on Telegram:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Trending via Slack:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Just shared via Threads:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

4 months ago

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

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Commentary:
Well, it seems like the key to escaping the office is not a corner office or a fancy title, but simply a fictional child! Who knew that the path to freedom was paved with imaginary offspring? Just make sure your "kid" doesn't accidentally show up at the company picnic, or you'll have some explaining to do!

children, everyone, humor, job, kid, leave, lie, office, want, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2306 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,468

Funny Quotes Topics

15,180

Funny Quotes Images

12,468

49 seconds ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Tested positive for being single af

Trending via Discord:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Just landed via Threads:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Making waves on Reddit:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Live now on WhatsApp:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Trending via Snapchat:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I would like even faster food.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

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