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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

My life is based on a true story.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2060 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,222

Funny Quotes Topics

14,968

Funny Quotes Images

12,222

4 minutes ago

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Shared recently on X:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Reported on YouTube:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Making waves on Slack:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Just shared via X:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Going viral on X:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Just landed via WeChat:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Just landed via WeChat:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

6 months ago

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"👶✈️ Buckle up, little ones! 🍼✨ Looks like those twin babies are ready for takeoff with your gourmet airplane meals! 😂✈️ Just make sure they don't request a snack trolley next. 🛒🍭 #FuturePilots #MileHighSnackClub"

airplane, baby, babysitting, feeding, funny situation, here, humor, i, just, know, parenting, right, saying, situation, twin, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2060 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,222

Funny Quotes Topics

14,968

Funny Quotes Images

12,222

4 minutes ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Making waves on Twitch:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Trending via Telegram:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Trending via Reddit:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Going viral on Messenger:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Seen just now on Slack:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Trending via Instagram:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Making waves on Facebook:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

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