Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

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My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

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Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

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If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

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With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

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This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

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When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

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Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

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It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

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You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

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Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.