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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,735

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Just shared via Messenger:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Breaking via Snapchat:

All I think about is death and sex.

Just shared via WeChat:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Spotted on YouTube:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Seen just now on Slack:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Witty quote about speaking volumes with silence, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sure, you can be the speaker! Just remember, the key is to talk a lot without really saying anything… Like a politician on double speed! 🗣️💬😄"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Threads this month:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

69 shares on X this month:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

70 shares on Discord this month:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

53 shares on X this month:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfollowers, take me with you!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Trending via Messenger:

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

Spotted on WeChat:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Spotted on Reddit:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Spotted on Instagram:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

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