Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,561

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Trending via Threads:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Going viral on Messenger:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Trending via Telegram:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Going viral on Messenger:

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Seen just now on Threads:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

Spotted on X:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like it's time to give my toaster a piece of my mind! 🔥🤖😂

excuse, humor, machine, procrastination, raging, resistance

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

0

2 months ago

being, communication, genuine, honesty, humor, invent, man, me, relationships, sarcasm, should, things, trust
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging humor, comedy, culture, gone, humor, i, middle, middle age, movie, movie quote, orthopedist, pop, pop culture, something, tell, watermelon, welcome
Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

0

2 months ago

being, day, day job, having, humor, job, juggling, just, man, modern, modern problems, parker, Patreon, PayPal, peter, Peter Parker, problems, Spider-bio, stupid, superhero, throw
It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

0

2 months ago

Caesar, caesar salad, cooking, eat, food, food humor, funny food, humor, joke, salad, stab, times
“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, mean, meaning, patience, self-expression, sit, sit still, still, tattoo, time
After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

0

2 months ago

after, ban, book, books, censorship, fruit, humor, irony, move, satire, suggestive

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

55 shares on Discord this month:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Just shared via Messenger:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Breaking via Twitch:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Making waves on WeChat:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Spotted on Reddit:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨