Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.
  • My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.
  • Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.
  • Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.
  • And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.
  • I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.