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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

People text you when you look good in photos.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Just shared via Reddit:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Going viral on Messenger:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

3 weeks ago

Funny text about companies posting jobs and questioning applicant interest.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Applying for a job online is like sending your resume into a black hole and then getting interviewed like you were hand-picked by the heavens above 🌟💼 It's like, hey, I applied because I need a job and you had openings – it's not rocket science! 🚀😂"

application, ask, company, confusion, employment, humor, irony, job, online, open, open position, position, positions, post, recruitment

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on WeChat this month:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

16 shares on Threads this month:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

38 shares on Slack this month:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,498

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Trending via LinkedIn:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Just landed via YouTube:

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

Making waves on Instagram:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Just landed via X:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Spotted on Snapchat:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

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