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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,822

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Going viral on Discord:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Making waves on Slack:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Spotted on Telegram:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Live now on Threads:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Just landed via Snapchat:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Spotted on Threads:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

2 months ago

0

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Applying for a job online is like sending your resume into a black hole and then getting interviewed like you were hand-picked by the heavens above 🌟💼 It's like, hey, I applied because I need a job and you had openings – it's not rocket science! 🚀😂"

application, ask, company, confusion, employment, humor, irony, job, online, open, open position, position, positions, post, recruitment

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, comparison, cooky, days, fight, grandma, humor, i, just, protest, website
Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

0

2 months ago

end, entertainment, expectation, frustration, getting, humor, mad, mystery, show, solve, suspense, TV, TV Show, unsolved, Unsolved Mystery, watching
Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

0

2 months ago

ability, awareness, everyone, except, good, humor, missing, morning, people, read, room, sarcasm, skills, social, social skills
The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

0

2 months ago

best, chaos, cleaning, house, humor, mess, state, struggle
Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

0

2 months ago

comedy, everyday, fight, fighting, humor, life, people, relationship, sex, struggle, survival
And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

0

2 months ago

doing, humor, i, illusion, joke, know, magic, next, performance, self-deprecation, trick

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

11 shares on Telegram this month:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fries, not lies.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

13 shares on Discord this month:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

14 shares on Discord this month:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,089

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Shared recently on Threads:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Making waves on Twitch:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Just landed via Facebook:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Seen just now on Slack:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

Making waves on Reddit:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Live now on Pinterest:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Breaking via Discord:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

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