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What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

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My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

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Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

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If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

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You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

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“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

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Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

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I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

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When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

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Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”