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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

806 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,968

Funny Quotes Topics

13,932

Funny Quotes Images

10,968

3 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Going viral on Twitch:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Seen just now on Threads:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Seen just now on X:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

5 months ago

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Here we observe the elusive human in its natural habitat, exhibiting its most impressive skill: snoozing 💤. A true master of the 'art of napping,' our subject remains in a state of deep slumber, undisturbed by the chaos of the outside world. Truly a captivating spectacle to behold! 🌟 #SleepGoals"

attenborough, david, David Attenborough, documentary, humor, life, narrating, observation, sleeping, still

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

806 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,968

Funny Quotes Topics

13,932

Funny Quotes Images

10,968

3 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Seen just now on Threads:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Freshly posted on X:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Going viral on Messenger:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Breaking via Messenger:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Live now on Discord:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Seen just now on YouTube:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Shared recently on Threads:

Your opinions are not my business.

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