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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Just landed via WeChat:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Going viral on YouTube:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Broadcasted on X:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

1 week ago

Witty text about deleting old tweets to impress a famous woman with passionate fans.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just doing some social media spring cleaning… you never know when you might suddenly find yourself in the spotlight with a mob of passionate fans at your doorstep! 🧹📱 Better to be safe than sorry, right? 😅 #DeletedTweets #FamousLoveLife"

case, date, deleted, famous, famous woman, fans, humor, i, just, media, old, privacy, rabid, relationship, social, social media, Tweets, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on TikTok this month:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

21 shares on Messenger this month:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

45 shares on TikTok this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

79 shares on Discord this month:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

What is it called when you were overthinking, and it turns out you were right?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,681

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Seen just now on WeChat:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Spotted on X:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Just landed via Reddit:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Spotted on Threads:

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

Trending via X:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Seen just now on X:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Trending via Messenger:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

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