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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,301

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Seen just now on TikTok:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Just shared via YouTube:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Trending via Telegram:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

1 month ago

Witty text questioning if avoiding the gym counts as resistance training, playful and humorous.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic resistance training dilemma! 💪🏋️‍♂️ Who knew that avoiding the #gymlife could actually be a workout strategy in disguise? 🤔 Maybe we're onto something revolutionary here…or maybe just onto the couch. 🛋️😆"

count, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, procrastination, resistance, training, workout

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Slack this month:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

10 shares on X this month:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

24 shares on WeChat this month:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

94 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Young witches boil every cauldron on high.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,733

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Broadcasted on X:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Just landed via Facebook:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Live now on X:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Just shared via Messenger:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Live now on Discord:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Going viral on Facebook:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Making waves on Messenger:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

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