Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.
  • Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.
  • Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.
  • Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.
  • Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.
  • No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.