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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Live now on YouTube:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Just shared via X:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Just landed via Threads:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Going viral on YouTube:

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

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Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.
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Commentary:
When you're trying to stifle a laugh in a serious situation, it's like trying to hold back a sneeze during a silent yoga class 🤭🤣 It's as if the universe decides to throw in some comedic timing at the most inconvenient moments! Quiet zones are basically comedy clubs in disguise 🤫😂 #SuppressingLaughsWithStyle

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Discord this month:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

42 shares on YouTube this month:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

82 shares on X this month:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

90 shares on Threads this month:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,528

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Making waves on Reddit:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Spotted on WeChat:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Seen just now on X:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Going viral on Messenger:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

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