Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.
  • My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.
  • Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”
  • Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.
  • If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.
  • I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.