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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,718

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Going viral on Threads:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Live now on Discord:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Trending via Snapchat:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Just landed via Threads:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Making waves on Reddit:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Welcome to the land of empty promises and ghostly appearances 👻 Follow for mesmerizing updates… or lack thereof! 😂 #InstagramLife"

follow, humor, Instagram, irony, me, media, nothing, post, social, social media, want, weeks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

0

2 months ago

account, anxiety, attack, bank, bank account, financial, financial stress, humor, i, me, money, panic, panic attack, personification, stress, wonder
When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

0

2 months ago

humor, man, marriage, married, obligation, scare, sneeze, wife
Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

0

2 months ago

animals, being, funny situation, giraffe, humor, imagination, imagine, nausea, situation, throw, throw up
You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

0

2 months ago

agree, argue, argument, conversation, humor, just, leave, me, sarcasm, wit
The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

0

2 months ago

dream, dreams, female, find out, humor, phone, phones, relationship
Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

0

2 months ago

family, horror, humor, legacy, lineage, lore

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

99 shares on X this month:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

39 shares on Twitch this month:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stop dating if you have no car.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Making waves on WeChat:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Just landed via WeChat:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Making waves on X:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Going viral on YouTube:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Trending via Facebook:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Just landed via Reddit:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨