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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has bookmarked:

I canโ€™t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

From a very young age, I knew that everyone was wrong and I was right.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ง has bookmarked:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,729

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Snapchat:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Iโ€™ve never met a problem I couldnโ€™t make worse.

Live now on Snapchat:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Breaking via Threads:

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

Making waves on Snapchat:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Making waves on Twitch:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Going bananas on Telegram:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Witty quote about bad days, humorously comparing Friday the 13th to everyday struggles.
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Commentary:
"Friday the 13th used to bring the chills, but now it's just another day cursed with bad luck! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ”ฎ Who stole the spooky magic from the calendar? ๐Ÿ“†#EverydayIsFridaythe13thNow"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

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Social Media Stars โญ

48 shares on Discord this month:

Iโ€™ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

โ€œWhy are you so quiet?โ€ Because Iโ€™m barely even here.

46 shares on Discord this month:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

If youโ€™re reading this, drink some water. Youโ€™re not a cactus.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Oh, Iโ€™m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Now that I got a library card, Iโ€™m moving differently.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

41 shares on Slack this month:

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Donโ€™t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

โ€œThug life,โ€ I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If youโ€™re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because theyโ€™ll definitely find then break it.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Teens be like, โ€œThis is the worst day of my life,โ€ and itโ€™s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

I donโ€™t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ป has downloaded:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

I canโ€™t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has copied:

Canโ€™t stand British posts on my timeline. โ€œI bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!โ€ What the hell are you talking about?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Broadcasted on WeChat:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

Making waves on Messenger:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Live now on Instagram:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Trending via Messenger:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Just shared via Twitch:

Welcome to your 40s: that โ€œteenagerโ€over there is actually 27.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens donโ€™t recognize them.

Breaking via YouTube:

Sorry Iโ€™m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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