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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Shared recently on Slack:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Just landed via Instagram:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

Seen just now on Discord:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Trending via Instagram:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Just shared via WeChat:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Making waves on Twitch:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Spotted on Discord:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Trending via X:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Breaking via TikTok:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Going viral on Telegram:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Just landed via Messenger:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Trending via Discord:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

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