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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,260

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Trending via Reddit:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

Going viral on Telegram:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Making waves on Facebook:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Making waves on Slack:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have a yearning disability.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

49 shares on Threads this month:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Spotted on Discord:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Making waves on Slack:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Trending via WeChat:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Spotted on Discord:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

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