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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Broadcasted on X:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Going viral on WeChat:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Going viral on WeChat:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Making waves on YouTube:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

Trending via WhatsApp:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

39 shares on X this month:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

21 shares on Threads this month:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,337

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Trending via YouTube:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Trending via Twitch:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Trending via WeChat:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Just shared via Threads:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Making waves on Threads:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Going viral on WeChat:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

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