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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

Trending via Messenger:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Just shared via WeChat:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Just shared via TikTok:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Just shared via TikTok:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Just shared via Reddit:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Just landed via Messenger:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

49 shares on X this month:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

61 shares on X this month:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

79 shares on Messenger this month:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Every time I use a Windows computer, it’s like they built malware into the OS. Like, what do you mean there are ads in the start menu?

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Guy on the day of the 1918 armistice, walking around the trench, clapping, saying things like “Great work, everyone,” and “We did it, team.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Spotted on X:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Trending via X:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Going viral on YouTube:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Just shared via Messenger:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

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