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New funny quotes: 7443 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

15 Funny calory quotes

Funny calory quotes are the perfect recipe for a laugh πŸ•πŸ˜„! Whether you’re counting bites or dodging dessert guilt, these witty sayings serve up a slice of humor with every calorie 🍩πŸ”₯. Get ready to snack on some clever lines that make dieting feel a little less serious and a lot more fun πŸ”πŸŽ‰. Who said calories can’t be funny? πŸ˜‚πŸ¦

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Posted onMar 29, 2026

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Posted onMar 28, 2026

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Posted onMar 28, 2026

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Posted onMar 27, 2026

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