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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,572

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Shared recently on Slack:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Going bananas on Facebook:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

Just shared via Messenger:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Making waves on Slack:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Just shared via YouTube:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

41 Funny dad quotes

More funny dad quotes 👇

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

3 weeks ago

atonement, bill, cell, cell phone bill, consciousness, creating, dad, family, humor, monthly, original, original sin, pay, phone, responsibility, sin

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

65 shares on Slack this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

87 shares on X this month:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

42 shares on X this month:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

49 shares on Threads this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Just landed via Discord:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Just landed via YouTube:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Just landed via Twitch:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Shared recently on Threads:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Spotted on YouTube:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

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Activity Log ✨

41 Funny dad quotes

More funny dad quotes 👇

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

All funny dad quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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