Funny Death Quotes That Will Have You Laughing in the Face of Mortality! 💀😂

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

2 months ago2 months ago

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

3 months ago2 months ago

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

3 months ago2 months ago

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

3 months ago2 months ago

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

3 months ago2 months ago

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

3 months ago2 months ago

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

3 months ago2 months ago

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

4 months ago2 months ago

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

4 months ago2 months ago

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

5 months ago2 months ago

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

5 months ago2 months ago

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

5 months ago2 months ago

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

5 months ago2 months ago

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

5 months ago5 months ago

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Oct 2, 2023Oct 4, 2023

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Sep 30, 20232 months ago

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Sep 29, 2023Sep 29, 2023

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Sep 28, 2023Sep 28, 2023

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Sep 22, 2023May 9, 2024

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 28, 2023

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 28, 2023

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Sep 22, 2023May 6, 2024

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Sep 22, 2023May 9, 2024

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Sep 22, 2023Oct 17, 2023