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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2312 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,474

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,474

29 minutes ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Spotted on WeChat:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Just landed via Slack:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Live now on TikTok:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Going viral on Discord:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Just landed via Reddit:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Making waves on Messenger:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Breaking via Telegram:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Home » Funny Death Quotes

96 Funny death quotes

Funny death quotes offer a light-hearted approach to a serious topic, blending humor with reflections on mortality. 💀😂 From witty observations about life’s end to playful takes on the afterlife, these quotes bring a smile while navigating the more somber aspects of existence. Enjoy a chuckle and appreciate the humor in life’s final chapter! 😄🌟

New funny death quotes 👇

19 hours ago
Share →: TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Commentary:
Gone so soon that TMZ already booked an interview with my ghost 👻📸😅
5 days ago
Share →: I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Commentary:
Sounds like a sizzlin' romance: crispy, tasty, and just a little dangerous! 🥓🔥❤️
5 days ago
Share →: I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to start dating a defibrillator! 😂❤️‍🩹⚡
6 days ago
Share →: If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Commentary:
Looks like I've found a new way to 'be there in spirit' and keep the games fair—worth the rebranding as the family's ultimate timekeeper! ⏳👻😂
1 week ago
Share →: Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Commentary:
Finally, a valid reason to haunt the living: bathroom breaks! 🚽👻
1 week ago
Share →: The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Commentary:
He’s off to a warmer place, where the only chill comes from the ice in his tropical drink! 🌴🍹❄️
1 week ago
Share →: When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Commentary:
Guess I’ve found the perfect work-life balance: ghosting my job! 👻💼😆
1 week ago
Share →: When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Commentary:
Accidentally turning laughter into disaster—talk about a side-splitting mix-up! 😂🤣
2 weeks ago
Share →: If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Commentary:
Why deal with columns and rows when eternal repose could be the ultimate spreadsheet escape plan? 😅🧮⚰️
2 weeks ago
Share →: The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Commentary:
With friends like these, who needs mystery novels? 😂🤐💀

For even more funny death quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny death quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2312 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,474

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,474

29 minutes ago

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Going viral on Threads:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Broadcasted on Slack:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Reported on Reddit:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Shared recently on Discord:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Going viral on X:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Trending via Messenger:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

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