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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

46 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Spotted on Reddit:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Going viral on Twitch:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Trending via Threads:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Making waves on Twitch:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

46 minutes ago

Users Online

3,455

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Making waves on Pinterest:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Just shared via Twitch:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Making waves on Instagram:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Reported on WhatsApp:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

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